「 what behind my shadow. 8:20 PM 」

*Dreaming of someone close to you shows how much you miss that person.*

Many mornings when i woke up, i thought of him the moment i opened my eyes. The night before, my entire dream revolved around him and his face. Indulge...i wanna indulge in my dream fantasies but in the end, i still have to bounce back to reality.
Recently, my nights seemed far too peaceful, no dreams at all. Just for tonight, let me dunk into my world again cos' i miss you dearly. Becos only in my dreams do i see images of YOU.

...Missing my self-claim Mr too-nice, lazy PIG, summer boy, taizi & sotong-lover...

「 what behind my shadow. 2:49 PM 」

WHO CAN BE AS DUMB AND BLUR AS ME??!!

I cant believe how ultimately stupid i am to have MISS OUT MY STARTING SCHOOL DATE!! I'm so preoccupied with my slack-ish life and totally immersed in my holiday-pact life that i overlooked the start of my university school life!!! @ this moment, i still laugh at my own blunder when i think of it...speechless man.
Now i realised the importance of attending all the events prior to the start of school(which i did not attend a single one @ all except for academic briefing) and the importance of having friends in a completely NEW school. Sad to say, i have none. Until yesterday i attended Business Law seminar, i finally made some new friends which to me, aint friends yet, just mere acquaintance.
When i woke up @ 10.45am, i called up SMU to ask "when is school gonna start huh?" And the impolite and crude lady on the other hand shouted at me over the phone, "SCHOOL'S HAS ALREADY STARTED SINCE 22 AUG! YOU BETTER GO TO SCHOOL, NOW!!'' I put down the phone, in a state of shock. WTH...my class starts at 12pm and i'm still @ home, haven ate breakfast, applied my moisturiser and sunscreen, i packed my bag and rushed to school in a cab and met a heavy JAM ON CTE !! With no materials on hand, i thought perhaps i should buy the textbook for this module and have something "concrete" for class..went to booklink and WTH AGAIN..got so many editions for this module alone..i dont know which one to get. Therefore..with absolutely nothing, not even a PEN..i went to class, and looked at all the unfamiliar faces. We form assignment groups and i ask my members what i have missed out the whole week...MY GOSH..i'm screwed. Assigments..readings..forming groups..all i missed. My friends ask me why you didnt come to school. Haa..how am i supposed to answer? So embarrassing..I actually presume that with the bidding system, school wont start so early, it will only start after the results are released. DUMB. My presumptions are always WRONG. And....what a start of university life.

I guess...somehow those of you who read this entry will laugh your heads off, esp. qimin, meiqi, meng, lf, zhiying, shihui, etc etc...i can imagine your expressions already..yaya, luff all you want. I find it amusing too..why is my life so messed up??!!

「 what behind my shadow. 12:44 PM 」

Ever since then, you never left. That dates all the way back to 11 years ago when we just classmates during our primary school days. I never took notice of you, cos' i'm too young to understand this thing called---->LOVE.
Your presence meant alot to me, especially those letters which have already turned yellowish and torned over the years, but i treasured them. You were the only person whom i wrote to, and i confided in you everything about my life. Though you were physically absent, but i always felt your concern about my well-being.
Year after year, month after month, day after day, you finally told me your true feelings last X'mas and i'm touched. I'm such a stupid fool to neglect you all these while. I'm touched by your sincerity, your devotion, your love, your understanding and your courage. I said "Yes" and we are together since then. You have made my christmas even more special and joyful because i have you. No matter how far the distance is between us, i'm still with you.

Baby, i love you.

*HAPPY 8 MONTHS ANNIVERSARY*

「 what behind my shadow. 4:23 PM 」

Why am i so damn prone to flu and never-ending headaches??! It iritates me like mad..and my ears are blocked becos of my flu. I used up the box of tissues last night, heightened my pillow so i can sleep better and sneezed until my head hurts!! How bad could that be?? The last time i'm down with flu was only about 2 mths ago in Melb and now, YET AGAIN. I'm just a weakling who needs TLC. Ytd nte, i applied a whole lot of vicks on my nose and neck...and then, i remembered how thoughtful and caring ethanie was towards me when i was sick(my stupid flu lasted for more than 1 week.) I HATE vicks @ 1st, becos of some childhood trauma, but he loves vicks' smell and how soothing it is..so he applied on my nose and neck every night before i slept and in the middle of the night, he conscientiously continued to apply on me and made sure i dont feel cold with no heater on..i'm so smitten with his little acts at times that made me feel like i'm so loved by a guy whom i love too.*wide smile* And im so sorry these few days dat we hardly talk and see @ all...cos of my new tablet PC which is even more problematic compared to my desktop computer...ARGHHH...wad stupid wireless internet connection, the wireless connection @ my house is really damn LOUSY...i still prefer LAN afterall.

Ytd i went coffee with MQ @ Taka's coffeebean, only the two of us but we rattled on hours and hours about our life, always updating each other. And now, we have a new found topic, dat is...discuss about our beloved man..haha..so much to say and "complain"..if only the rest were present, i'm sure QM would contribute even more with her theories of love and life. They were too caught up with schoolwork. Exams..projects..tests..tutorials..lectures..presentations..the thought of all these just peeves me. So scary. I really wondered how did i managed to endure thru my 3 yrs of poly work load and immersed myself completely into my studies and nth else. Even dreams @ night would re-enact my hectic life in the day. Ahhhh....shoo. I wanna be stress-free. So damn stupid to be stress about school, it would cause my life to seem even more pathetic than it already is.
Anyway, back to ytd, i totally can understand MQ's sad phlight with the roster, i met similar bunch of colleagues @ mandarin, becos of their undeniable selfishness and irresponsiblity, i gotta give my own rights. Thats why i can never work as a full-timer there, over my dead body. And mq, cheer up, @ least there is still dat few hrs with seannie, its the quality of time dat matters, not quantity ok? Btw, hell with dat b**tch colleague of yours. And we just hate dat particular name, dont we? *smiles*

「 what behind my shadow. 11:54 AM 」

What's happening to the guys in Singapore...or should i say, majority? Really irritates me a whole lot yesterday. I went to collect my tablet pc in SMU ytd, spent like 2 hrs++ in school to configure everything. All went fine until i was about to leave. Being a "strengthless" small girl, i couldnt carry the big box which contains the PC and its accessories plus a big paper bag of stuff and lastly my bag. It was way too heavy for me, my good pals should know i cant bloody open the cineleisure glass door everytime i went in..haha, that's how useless and weak i am. Anyway, no one in the seminar room offer to help..so disappointing, they were immersed in clicks which are ALL guys and none bother to help us. =( So, i did everything myself, carried them all the way out of the school compound to hail for a cab. I waited half an hour under the blazing sun and happily, i saw this cab coming to my direction and its empty. Out of absolute nowhere, this stupid guy in his 20's suddenly pop out from dunno which corner and cut my queue! He looked at me and my stuff and apparently, pretend he saw nothing. ARGGHHHHH stupid ass!! He just went ahead of me and got into the cab!! I felt like kicking him right into his balls man..or perhaps he have none cos he's not fit to be a gentleman! Like i told Ethan, i hope this bloody idiot can enjoy sitting cabs until his ass burst open ah!

Later in the evening, im going to meet up with my sec. sch classmates to watch "The maid"...frankly, i dont really like to watch horror movies, especially at this time of the year, yeah, i'm "pang dang" so watching this genre of movies will add on to my fear at night, when i have to go home by myself after midnight....scary. My home escort is not somewhere near me now, he's miles away in melb which makes me even more timid...according to astrology, taureans are people with no guts, dats so true.

「 what behind my shadow. 2:48 PM 」

I'm back to my K-ing drama days, simply cos' i have been anticipating this drama since last year, after i finished "Stairways to Heaven". This time round..its HIM again, the guy who made me wept so much tears for him since the 1st disc.

"SAD LOVE STORY"

I'm too overwhelmed by this new korean drama, "Sad Love Story", starring my favorite actor, Kwon Sang Woo. As compared to Stairways to Heaven which i think alot of people have already watched, this drama is even more tragic and heartwrenching for me. As seen from the title of the drama(a bit not very innovative though), it is indeed a very sad drama that will cause emotional freaks like me to weep until my eyes became so swollen within a day. And the OST is really nice, all the songs are simply touching, i guess this might be the 1st drama that all 3 main leading characters actually sang and composed the songs themselves. And for gals who love to see kwon sang woo weep like a heartbreaking soul, i really recommend this drama cos he cried more than before in it...almost every episode..but then, he cried for a reason, just go watch the drama. All i can say is he's pathetic. And unlike stairways to heaven, not all LOVE WILL ALWAYS COME BACK.

Here's a brief intro of the story...for all korean drama loverss:

Musically inclined Jun Hyung(Kwong Sang Woo) grows up being despised as his mother owns a nightclub. He meets the blind but beautiful Hae-In(Kim Hee Sun) and the childhood friends became lovers over the years. When Hae In moved to US with her aunt, she loses contact with Jun Hyung. There, she meets Gun-Woo and accepts his love, having been misled that Jun Hyung has died. After a successful surgery, she regains her eyesight. A heart-wrenching love triangle unfolds when Hae-In meet Jun-Hyung again, this time as Gun-Woo's best friend.

The story continues...go get the drama..*sob sob*. Shall get more boxes of tissues. =(

「 what behind my shadow. 8:06 PM 」

Went to meet Jill @ Tampines to borrow her statistics notes coz apparently, i totally cant understand what Zhiying is scribbling on her notes. As usual, since sec 3 i always had trouble understanding what she is writing, haa! And right at this moment, i have decided to give up on my statistics wavier test, its freaking difficult to understand, especially when i took dat subject like 3 years ago when i just got into Temasek Poly. To think that i actually scored a distinction for that subject and now i completely returned everything to my tutor. He's so nice, Mr Gary Lim..a very helpful and simply-loves-jogging tutor.

Anyway i went to watch "Land of the Dead'...so gruesome and bloody..i love zombies show though, its entertaining cos at some point in time, it gets stupid with all the feeding on human flesh and tearing bodies apart. Ask jill..she found it equally amusing as well.
Oh i finally got a new schoolbag from FCUK when i met zhiying for dinner yesterday. We went swensens and afterwhich, proceed to Bakers Inn for more desserts. So long didnt catch up with each other since i left for holiday in melbourne..and zhiying, i;m sooo glad i finally said you-know-dat-sentence out..=). Deep seated in my heart for so many months, haha, felt soo shiok after saying. oh yea.

「 what behind my shadow. 6:53 PM 」

What a day. 1st of all, i gotta wait like half an hour for a cab at my house, they should really have more cabs in Sengkang cos' its so damn hard to get a cab here and not to mention that i'm a frequent customer of cablink and silvercab. When i reach the SMU adminstration building, all i see are groups and groups of international students and it made me look like i'm the only local student there. People from Indonesia...India(really alot of them!)...korea...china(also countless of them) ...i wanna see my own nation's students!! =(..

There's so many station i gotta visit based on the checklist they gave me, i'm like a total idiot trying to find my way to all 12 stations! Why cant they have everything together at one spot? its like treasure hunt ..and i detest this game the most, cos' it tires me like hell. The most stupid thing is i gotta walk from the admin building all the way to wad 'lee ka ching' libary just to change the 4-digit pin number for my student pass. That is so out of the way..oh and not to forget, the finance lady made a blunder and did not collect all my tuition grant forms at all cos she assumed i'm an international student from god knows where. SO, i gotta drop by again tmr, so waste of time. Lastly, why do they have to put me in the same group as the international students for our freshman camp???? Shall ask them to change it tmr..Argghh why do i have endless complaints about my school? There are so many upcoming events that i gotta attend in school and i just dont feel excited or look forward to it.

Still cant deny the fact that i am now part of this SMU community.

Baby msged me this afternoon when i was on my way home in a cab(i was in a mercedes prestige cab for 3 consecutive days..haa..how lucky). I know i should feel glad that he has kind of straightened out his thoughts to stay in Melb and do his university studies for the nx 4 yrs but dat is not how i felt when i saw the msg. So contradicting..recently, i realise i've been contradicting myself quite alot which explains why my life is in a complete mess. I seriously dont know where i am heading to or how long i can withstand the way things are right now. I'm just struggling to let time pass faster but it seems to crawl slower than before. Being separated for more than half a year now is already tearing me apart, i really cannot imagine for the nx few yrs. I'm a pillar to him but who can i depend on then? and this pillar might just break into pieces soon. Baby said there's nth much we can do, i knew that all along..or should i say right from the start, but i just cant bring myself to say 'dat's it.'

tell me what to do.

「 what behind my shadow. 4:08 AM 」

Tomorrow i'm going SMU for matriculation...start of university life...until this moment, i'm still not sure whether this decision of mine to study for 4 years is the right or wrong step. Somehow, i feel that i'm not gonna enjoy it for 4 years..unlike poly, i might even regret it one day. But often in MY LIFE, not everything is up to me to decide..dats sad. I know. Thats just how pathetic i am right now. Study for the sake of studying & to fulfill my parents' high hopes on me or becoz i love to? i wish i know.

Anyway i went for a hair makeover today with marcus @ Shunji Matsuo. Benn wanting to go there, some of the stylists are from Japan which makes it a true blue 'japanese concept' salon, i like it. Only cost me 32 bucks for a hair cut, totally worth my money.

Before haircut:

In my orange pyjamas which my family say looks like traffic light coz its too bright

After haircut:

my shortest length since sec 4..head feels so light & i can still tie them up, versatile!

I really wonder what kind of funny ppl i'm gonna to meet tmr in SMU..heard alot of stuff though..saying the gals there are more materialistic than ordinary gals, and they dress for fashion shows instead of school..hm, its quite interesting to look and comment at people's dressing, but who am i gonna rattle it to?? NO ONE. Independant undergraduate..none of my poly mates got into this sch..which explains my loneliness..got to start looking for 'buddies' i can depend on in school. (@ this moment, i really miss my poly frenssss alot.....!!)

Till tmr,
bye.

「 what behind my shadow. 9:44 PM 」

Haa! I always think blogging online doesnt have a tinge of privacy @ all...but here i am contradicting myself to start one! Hm..in the end, i'll jux follow wad is the 'hippiest' thing right now----->start a blog and tell everyone else ard you ur crazy but heartfelt thoughts.

^good night to all, esp. my ethanie.^