Wednesday, September 28, 2005
Today, during my MA seminar, Val told me this classmate of ours haven been attending class for this week becos her bf left for UK to continue his education. She's too upset to attend class. I can totally understand how she felt now, and i encountered this kinda "departure" twice in my life with 2 different people. Haa..why am i destined to be in LDR all the time? But anyway, i guess this classmate of mine is probably crying her heart out at home and feeling all lost and ALONE. That's how i felt when he left. Everything around me revolves as per normal, the only difference is that he aint here anymore. I have to imagine his presence to feel that he is always beside me, dat is wad i have learnt to master it very well during the past 9 months. And i meant, really a pro @ that.
*Looking back, i really cant figure out how did i manage to be so strong and never drop a single tear when i said goodbye to him. Sadness only overwhelms me right after he disappeared from my vision. But there's nothing i can do to change anything. Its this feeling of not being to do anything at all that makes me feel so pessimistic @ times. But then, its been 9 mths. And i'm still alive and kicking. PHEW! All these seems damn bloody long though, like years has passed.
I used to think im an independant gal who doesnt have to rely on a boyfren, like wad PJ said, we shud be better off without guys. Thats my mentality back during the days when im single. My family, friends, and solely MYSELF are my main priorities. Yet now, i find myself more and more reliant on ethan. Like without him, i cant be "ME". How did this happen? Haha, i really dont know. Sometimes this dependance is soo strong that it scares me off. The thought of him leaving me one day fears me beyond words. Its amazing how my priorities in life can change so drastically after i'm with him. But in any way, im more glad that i always have him in my heart. * '_' *
*georgiana* 
