Wednesday, April 12, 2006
I never knew how hard it is to love someone until i met him.
I get agitated or upset by the slightest things he say or do to me. And often, i wonder why i react in this way. Its all because i love him too much.
I never knew how many blemishes i have in my character until i met him. All the things that he said about me, no one has ever told me before. Then, it dawned on me, i am not so nice after all. And, i am not a good gf who knows how to take care of my man and make him happy. After knowing what kinda person i am, i feel like such a failure. Insensitive, selfish, childish pride, bad attitude, rude, spoilt, spendthrift...=( All the things he said about me, i thank him for letting me know so that i can try to change.
But today i am truly, utterly hurt. Its the day i felt the worse after i met him. Less than 2 hrs, the exact same thing has to happen again. Why am i being treated like this? In the end, i just figured out one thing. If he really love me, he wouldnt have hurt me so much. Dont be so nice to me at this minute, and ignore me the next minute. And then call me again to go home together. Dont treat me like this. It hurts like crazy.
I really dont know what you want anymore. And sorry, i cant pretend to be normal and carry on as usual. Because if i do it, the next time it happens again, its gonna be the same. And that was not what i want. I never wanted things to be lidat. You know it.
My poor parents gotta see me cry. So sorry, i didnt wish to do that. The stupid message came at the wrong time when im just right at my doorstep, so my tears just followed. So sorry i had to lie too, its not because of stress or school.
The ONLY pleasant thing that happened to me today was:
Coming out of the bathroom and seeing a box on my table. Its Poh Heng. My dearest mummy bought a diamond key necklace for me as my 21st bdae present. This is the FIRST time she ever gave me a gift for my birthday and somemore, so early. Really appreciate it. Its the only thing that brightens up my mood.
And thanks to eunice too for being there.
I wish i can feel better.* I need to. My heart is crying.
*georgiana* 
