「 what behind my shadow. 8:39 AM 」

They appeared in my mind again.

I told myself to stop thinking and missing them so that i wont feel so bad and sorry.

But...whenever enactments of their deaths crossed my mind, i cant helped but feel my heart twinging. The pain i feel inside. Its not something tt i wanna dwell on, making myself feeling miserable. They are never my dogs; i have never taken care of them and their memories in my life are soo limited, but yet, i feel so much for them.

Just mins ago, i was walking home from the lrt station when the sound of a dog's bark stopped my footsteps. For a moment, it sounded like Coco. It sounded so much like her when she wants us to play with her. Or when i go upstairs to have my dinner at my uncle's, that was the sound she would never fail to make each time she sees me. Thats the only chance she can get so much attention, i guess.

Then i realised she's been gone for 2 weeks. Time passes by so quickly tt most ppl in my family seemed to have forgotten abt them completely. I think soon after, i will never hear anyone mentioning their names again. To some, dogs are just dogs. They are animals, they cant talk, cant express themselves. There's no need to feel so much for dogs. But dogs, like us, have feelings. They can feel sad or happy...and how they feel totally depend how we treat them. They help guard door willingly and wait for us to come back everyday, just to give them some pats on their heads. After wad happened to coco and mimi, i learnt to love vicky even more. I wanna give her all the love i have, cos she gave me hers.

「 what behind my shadow. 8:29 PM 」

My tiny business in flowerpod & lesdames seem to be taking it off quite well.

Thanks to my dearie ron who came up with those catchy sales titles(Further Reduced Prices!Clearance sale! etc etc) & well-quoted prices so tt i wont make a loss.

My stuff is worth quite alot, its scary to look at all the things im selling online, they sure add up to a few K at least. Gosh. Yes, im spending money like water for the past few yrs..or shud i say, ever since i was given moolahs.

And i seem to have NEVER-ENDING things to sell which i dont even know where they pop out from. Stuff which i bought recently or mths ago, from brand new clothes, bags, perfumes, cosmetics, face pdts, accessories...etc etc. And OMG, i can say that 80% of them are TOTALLY BRAND NEW, either with price tags still intact or without. But nvm abt tt, the point is that i have NEVER use them before, just chuck em into my cupboard for as long as i know.

And talking abt spending money like water, i wonder if thats a bliss or an unfortunate thing in my life. When one have a little more money to spend on hand, everything seems to be taken for granted. Like as if this will accompany me forever and tt i will never have shortage of money to spend on things i adore. Last time, i used to think tt people who are into window shopping are just wasting their time...used to think tt they might as well dont shop and stay at home cos there's no such thing as window shopping in my life. But recently, after wad happened to my family, i realised the importance of not taking things in my life for granted. I shud really cherish wadever i have now, cos the nx minute, it might just disappear. Im not saying my family is struggling for survival now cos we got no money, we are still pretty much the same, i still get the same amt of allowance every week, so my bros & my life are not really affected, but the only difference is i think MORE now before i give my moolahs away. And dunno why, i actually feel SORRY if i spend my money on buying more clothes. That has never happened.

Like yesterday, i went town with ron and i walked into a shop at far east. Within minutes, i walked out with my card swapped abt $65 for these 2 tops i bought. And right away, my guilt started to act inside. Plus ron nagging at me, it just makes me feel even more sorry. Shopping is just like an addiction in my life tt i shud stop, hopefully. Its so damn hard to curb my shopping crave man. Unless someone take my wallet away or sth. Or whenever i think of my parents working so hard to earn money, den i will stop. I guess i shud always picture tt in my mind when i wanna buy stuff huh.

As for my dad's biz, its slowly improving...esp when now is the peak period. From tt incident, its definitely affected more or less, but i guess all we need is some time to improve things. And hopefully, the insurance can be claimed...damn its at least a few million. Thats my greatest wish now. Make it come true, pls.

「 what behind my shadow. 4:04 AM 」

For those who cant view my saleslist on flowerpod & les dames,
kindly visit ::geo's::
For all cheap & affordable thrills!
Everything you need to look dressed up & pretty!
=p

ALL ITEMS @ 20% DISCOUNT!!

::ONLY TILL 25TH JULY::

「 what behind my shadow. 3:26 AM 」

I guess its abt time.
To give up on something that i always hold on so tightly all these months, and refusing to let go.
I had enough. So now, im letting go.
Rationally, this is what i should do. Even if my heart feels otherwise. One time after another, my heart felt painful again and again. I have no more energy to think abt anything besides how else i can help my family business and my dad. I dont feel sad; cos this is what i expected. To think that I still feel that talking things out would actually help. So naive. Its useless to talk things out when you know things wont change no matter how you feel inside.
Ok, move on.

My dad's business.

Dont worry palss. Its picking up. We wont die and vanish from this line.
Our dumbass competitors immediately raised their prices up to at least 20% after hearing wad happened to us. wth. But its okay. Right now, we still have abt 50% of the 7th mth goods arriving from China these two weeks. As long as we have the stock, our business can still go on. As for the premise, my dad found a new warehouse near the former one which was burnt to put all the goods temporarily. Though its only 10,000 sq ft, but at least, its helpful. The owner rent to us at $1.30 per sq ft after hearing wad happened to us...so my dad gotta pay 13k a month for the rent. These few days, we managed to salvage quite alot of stuff from the office. But of cos, the whole place was either wet from the water or black from the ashes. Out of all the computers, only 3 were able to use..the rest all gone. My dad's office worth of almost 50k furniture was all destroyed too. But all these shud be able to claim from the insurance company. As well as the entire building...it was insured for 2 Million. We still suffer great losses cos our goods was only insured for 750K when its worth more than a million. I really pray that we can claim back wadever is rightfully belong to us.

And right now, im helping out my dad alot. This time round, its not like i dont have a choice or im being forced to. But its willingly. I just wanna do sth to lighten their work loads and stress. Cos everything has to be re-build again. And this time round, our business will be even better than last time.

One interesting fact that i heard from all the adults in my dad's company...and also from relatives abt why this fire broke out. Im not sure if anyone of you believe this, i dont really care also but this is wad the workers and my family believe. Becos its sooo close to 7th mth(less than 2 weeks), the gods and those "things" came to take away everything. Thats why it was ALL BURNT. Its as if we are burning for them. And also, my uncle wanted to venture into toys business..so they kept alot of toys in the warehouse, but it was completely UNBURNT. Still in perfect condition. SO they believe those "things" only took wad they wanted. And now that they took wad they want, they better make sure our business will prosper even more. haha.

Any updates, i will post up again.

「 what behind my shadow. 4:58 AM 」

@ 1am last night, while i was still up grumbling to Ron, i received a 2nd line.
"On fire! Everything's on fire!"
Its my dad's china worker who guards the factory.
For a spilt second, i thought he called the wrong number. I said..."huh huh". Den he shouted, "Yang lao ban, tell him factory on fire!"(in chinese)
I rushed to wake my parents up and my dad hurried to his workplace @ Loyang Way Industrial Park. I called the civil defence and soon after, my mum rushed there in a cab too. At 1st, i thot it was just a small fire that broke out at the back of the warehouse. Couldnt be that bad. I told myself, "how can we ever be so unlucky?" I slept until 6+ am when my dad's alarm clock rang so loudly that it woke me up. I went to switch it off, thinking something is not right. They went out at 1+...but it was alr 6+ in the morning and they were not back yet. The next morning i woke up and found out tt they were still not back. I made so many calls to ask wad happened, only to find out from my cousin tt EVERYTHING IS GONE. THE ENTIRE PLACE WAS BURNT. AND THE 2 DOGS DIED IN THE FIRE. Except for Lucky(golden retriever) which saved EVERYONE'S lives..cos my china relatives were staying on the 2nd floor in the office & workers who were staying in the warehouse. If not for Luckys continous barking to wake everyone, it would have been an even more tragic disaster.

When i reached there with my bro, from far, i can alr see smoke still fuming from the warehouse. And i saw my dad & uncle busily engaging in conversations with the Insurance head person, police, engineers, etc. My dad...poor dad...he looked so tired & sad. And my mum, when she saw me, she started weeping alr...i felt so helpless as their daughter..cos i cant help em at all. At that point, i really hope i can do sth to make em feel better.

The whole building was gone...50,000 over sq ft of property was gone. And the poor little poodle and schnauzer were caught inside the fire...they were choked to death with no one to help em. This is really devastating. Even if they were not my dogs...i saw em grew from small puppies to what they were now...Coco(poodle) 5 yrs old and Mimi(schnauzer) 3 yrs old. My uncle's expensive fishes only left 2...the rest died too. One fish cost at least a few K. Besides these, all the money used to prepare goods for the 7th month...all down the drain. All the money tt my dad spent in renovation, importing goods fr china...and not to forget, the hard work and efforts of each and everyone who work so hard for the company to earn as much money as possible for the 7th mth...all wasted. Even my dad's workers were crying...this sense of belonging to the company is really hard to come by. There was this indonesian worker who dont even wanna accept his 2 weeks wages from my dad, weeping & consoling my dad, "boss, you are a good person. everything will be okay for you."

I learnt alot today. It seems like i have no choice but to grow up overnight. I cant be like wad i used to anymore. This incident really woke me up. Nothing lasts forever and i cant take the luxury we are enjoying now for granted. Of course i believe that my family will definitely be able to pick things and move on from there...all we need is some time. Somehow, God and our ancestors never seem to forsake us...our god figure was completely okay and not burnt at all...our impt documents still intact, cash were still safely kept in drawers...computers & all the paperwork stuff are still usable. But the goods worth a few million and building which cost 1 million all gone. Should i still count ourselves LUCKY? i dunno. Now, i just hope that my parents & uncle's family are okay. Its time i really shud help my dad and not lead the life i always lead.

As for the dogs, i really feel heartbroken. I realised we dont even have a decent picture of Coco at all...such a cute poodle. Not even my cousins. I still remembered how she ran away when vicky bite her butt. If vicky knows shes not here anymore...she would feel sad too. And my maid were soo sad tt the dogs she had been taking care of passed away. She told me, "wei, i just bathed coco ytd noon." Den she started crying. Such an obedient dog which sad to say, fails to be showered with enough love from her owners. Mimi too. They always get jealous if i touch or play with either one of em and not with the other.

Sometimes i feel that my uncle's family ought to blame themselves partially for their death. For not loving their dogs enough and leaving em uncared for in my dad's office. Last week, i just saw them and they were craving so much for my attention. All they ever wanted was someone to love and play with them occassionally. If they were ever loved sufficiently, they wouldnt behave like as if they were being abandoned. If my uncle's family were more caring and responsible, they wouldnt be left in the office. If so, they wouldnt have died today. So many IFs. Thats honestly how i feel. Its time people shud reflect on their actions and how they shud be responsible towards the things they own.

May coco & mimi cross the rainbow bridge peacefully...love you.

「 what behind my shadow. 10:27 AM 」

Hey gals,

visit my saleslist @ flowerpod or les dames ok?
Everything going @ cheap & affordable prices!
Cos i cant wait to clear out my closet! ('_') Yay!
Whatever you want, from clothes(minis, dress, tops, jeans), belts, bags, cosmetics, face pdts, perfumes! Whatever!

Sneak: Am having 50% off second item(for the least expensive one)! And comes with free gifts too! haha...LIMITED TIME ONLY & WHILE STOCKS LAST!

Heh. This is so fun.
I feel thrilled. hahahaha

Today, i finally have a chance to spend some time with vicky.
She's neglected by me.
Sighs. My poor little doggie.
My mum told me abt her blotch under her eyes. No idea wad happened to her. Really hope tt i can bring her to see vet tmr.
To think that even when i stay at home, i will be soo busy doing my own things (my korean drama la, tidyin my foreva messy room, managing my flowerpod & lesdames tiny business) tt i have absolutely no time for her, dont even talk abt days when im not at home at all. No more little walks ard my condo, no more pampering baths & massages for her, no more our private time tgr. She just stays at home and sleeps in her cosy purple furry bed. But despite all these negligance from us, she still sits on e little foot carpet near the door and be the cutest, most timid guard dog i've ever come across. And my mum had to gave all her toys to the other 3 dogs in my dad's office. ARG. All those expensive toys i bought. =(

Hmm, better time management. Cos she's the last thing in my life tt i wanna neglect just becos im busy. To some ppl, its just a dog. Or worse still, an ugly chihuahua with high forehead or protruding eyes. Or a tiny dog which is soo fierce to strangers. But to me, she's my precious. When she look at you so pathetically with her teary eyes, you just cant help but feel that you should give her more love. Even when she makes mistakes like peeing on carpets or poo-ing anywhere in da hse. Vicky's not my everything, but i always cant imagine if one day, shes old and sickly and have to go, i dunno how my life will be without her. Everytime me & jillian start talking abt this topic that one fine day, our chihuahuas have to leave us and cross the rainbow bridge, our tears will just follow. Its so heartwrenching to even think abt it.

「 what behind my shadow. 5:53 AM 」

Ha, i figured Lesdames & Flowerpod is a better place for me to get rid of all my unwanted brand new stuff. So no more selling here. ('_') Wish me good luck for business, hope everything goes well. So far so good!

Bidding starts again. For year 2, sem 1. So fast! Im year 2 undergrad alr, but looking my frens' progress, im lacking quite behind in terms of getting a degree asap. Before i officially step into the big lurking working society. Yeps. I dont wanna work...cos i wanna be a tai-tai, wanna go for spas, facials, shopping, high teas...yadah yadah. Dream on, i know tt wont happen even if i wish to. So i'll just have to work towards my goal of becoming a self-independent business woman who deals with fashion. HAAAA.

Oh yah, talkin' abt bidding, this time round, its so different. Cos i only have 1 preassigned module so i have to bid for the rest using my limited amt of e-moolahs($150), how pathetic can we get. $150 to bid for 4 core modules..and some peeps are bidding for 5 even. Crazy man. And its so hard to accomodate everyone's timetable, gosh. Phew thank god its all over man. Yay! Next term i will be same class with my dear eunice(finally dear! we can mug tgr and attend classes tgr!) and ron of coz(How to miss him out? heh which means im gonna have a personal porter, my bf! for lugging my laptop and books ard. Thanks in advance dar') And other peeps like pj, thol,cheryl, xiaomin, nicole. =p

Now, i cant wait for school to start again! 1.5 mths more!!