waiting for you: March 2007

Saturday, March 17, 2007

All my entries these few months are pure pathetic. sad.
I read them again, only to realise how unhappy i have been over these few mths. Over what...even I, myself dont even know at times.

Am i a perfect perfectionist who drives myself crazy without any limits? Or people around me just cannot live up to my expectations? Or is it simply...doing the wrong things at the wrong time? I began to wonder and right at this point in time...nothing remains of me but the lingering thoughts of giving up everything once and for all.

I look at copycats and my heart aches cos its my OWN effort. I was the one who racked my brains and think through everything...planning step by step and building it day by day. And with a copy and paste, they took away what belongs to me. Perhaps i shouldnt feel so bitter, after all i cant possibly stop them from doing anything. Internally & externally...they are all driving me nuts. I want to realise my dreams, especially what i have been longing to do all these years, but as much as i dont want it to be become a bubble-tea act...its slowly turning into one. And all these beyond my control. All these never-ending issues, one after another, are pushing me towards a corner and i cannot breathe at all.

I feel tired, disappointed, dry and bullied.

I need a protector, a guardian angel who will stand by me & help me with all these problems.

Sunday, March 04, 2007

Life seems so weary lately.
There isnt much to keep me going.
Its like, "i have to do this, thats why i have to do it".
And not becos i want to do it.

What, exactly is holding my steps? Beats me.
I would also like to live a life of a normal person, and not someone who gets agitated easily, and being a total wreck.
Im aware of all these...but its beyond my control and thats definitely not an excuse. Its the truth.

I think perhaps, i have already maxed out my energy long ago. Things/people around me slowly took away what used to belong to me, what used to be part of me and what used to be me. And now, there's nothing left of me. Just an empty shell.

The pursuit of happiness-something to pursue cos u know u might never get it. Even retail therapy is leading me on.