waiting for you

Saturday, March 17, 2007

All my entries these few months are pure pathetic. sad.
I read them again, only to realise how unhappy i have been over these few mths. Over what...even I, myself dont even know at times.

Am i a perfect perfectionist who drives myself crazy without any limits? Or people around me just cannot live up to my expectations? Or is it simply...doing the wrong things at the wrong time? I began to wonder and right at this point in time...nothing remains of me but the lingering thoughts of giving up everything once and for all.

I look at copycats and my heart aches cos its my OWN effort. I was the one who racked my brains and think through everything...planning step by step and building it day by day. And with a copy and paste, they took away what belongs to me. Perhaps i shouldnt feel so bitter, after all i cant possibly stop them from doing anything. Internally & externally...they are all driving me nuts. I want to realise my dreams, especially what i have been longing to do all these years, but as much as i dont want it to be become a bubble-tea act...its slowly turning into one. And all these beyond my control. All these never-ending issues, one after another, are pushing me towards a corner and i cannot breathe at all.

I feel tired, disappointed, dry and bullied.

I need a protector, a guardian angel who will stand by me & help me with all these problems.