Monday, April 30, 2007
I'M 22 YEARS OLD ON 6TH MAY 2007!!
My god, shucks, damn, idiot, shit.
Im nearing my MID TWENTIES!!
The thought of liposuction, plastic surgery, sagging breasts, botox are all in my little head now.
10 more years...i can see myself doing all these. And causing my future husband bankrupt.
I think Jiaming is stress now.
Anyways, alot asked how come this yr i dont have wishlist...hmmm its not tt i dont have "wishes" but rather...they are all not really material stuff.
I guess i sort of crossed over the times when i wish to own this LV BAG...or this expensive branded jeans, or wadever material stuff. Or MDS made me more stingy than before..maybe thats the real reason.
BUT STILL...I WANT MY PRESENTS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
hah...Below are some of my simple WISHES.
1. A new hp
2. Long cardigan(preferably XS)
3. White skinny Jeans(Size 24)
4. Camel color big bag from Espirit(cost $109)-cant remember the model number
5. Bikini: no pink ;)
6. Accessories(preferably gold)-nowadays i have no time to shop for accessories, those at home seems a bit outdated. haha.
7. SPA VOUCHER-i would totally adore this!!!!! Badly in need of spa! ;)
Haha thats all i can think of it now. I would love any of the above. ;) See ya guys this sat(5th may) at Rain(UE SQUARE) at 8pm ok? Call me if u cant find the place! After ktv/pubbing, we can go clubbing @ MOS as well!
OH. Before i forget, PLS PLS STICK TO THE THEME OF "BIMBO AND HIMBO". I prolly know who's best at this. haha. Urps.
Tuesday, April 24, 2007
Im supposed to be enjoying my hols.
For these 2 weeks since hols started, i have not stopped moving on. Everyday im moving faster and faster, even i cant keep up with my own pace. I know, i know i should slow down, thats what everyone have been trying to tell me directly or indirectly. I know all these, but do the present circumstances allow me to do this freely? Can i stop even for a moment?
Life always revolves around tradeoffs. I always believe in that, if someone wants to do well in a particular thing, he or she has to give up something in their lives. Just like how elated i was when i saw some positive feedback abt mds, a negative customer who was dissatisfied with her 1st purchase changed her opinion towards mds after buying from us subsequently. I felt so consoled when i learnt abt tt. Thats consistency in doing a business. How many people actually, truly understand why im working hard, or harder than most online sellers? Its important to me becos i know it is. Besides fashion, i dunno wad else i can go into after graduating from smu.
Nearing 22 yrs old, i dunno what i have achieved yet in my life.
Maturity? Grades? Stable r/s? Or a good business?
Gosh, the thought of all these scares me off. Sometimes, i feel that he dont understand me at all. Does he really know how i feel? Why do i feel that im always chided for being too stressed up, too uptight? Pls understand that all these negative emotions tt im feeling ARE NOT WHAT I WANT to feel. If i can choose to live a life of a bimbo, i will cos i can afford to. But for once, im able to build my dreams and do what i want. I chose this path, to juggle btw mds and my studies, i gladly accept everything that comes my way, but what i need are support and REAL HELP from closed ones. Not when im stressed, he or she will ask you, "what again? what's wrong with you? Why like dat again? I told you i will help you already what."
Thats not what i need. Its neither words of consolation, nor real actions to help me. Its beyond what i can bear. Bottleneck.
For my upcoming b'dae, im declaring a 1 week off from mds and EVERYTHING ELSE. Time for a break. This may sounds childish, but i really just wanna contact FRIENDS whom i can talk to, who chide me lidat. Thanks.
Friends, you know who you are, contact me pls.
Wednesday, April 04, 2007
No one understands how i feel...my heart feels so heavy that i can hardly breathe. Only in my sleep. But even in my sleep, i have nightmares. Maybe daddy is right, i shouldnt try to do so much now, except for studies. Dreams are only dreams. Perhaps this is all just a short-lived beautiful dream and reality is at the beck of my call now. Its time to wake up and do wad im supposed to do...dreams, arent supposed to be realised, are they? I feel like im going nuts soon. geo, where has your rationality gone?
I know you feel that i've changed.
I know this time, your heart really feels painful seeing me like that.
I know you are equally unhappy.
I know you prefer my old self, when im so confident about everything i do.
I know all these; but i have no energy to go back to the past.
I also want to be the same, at least i want to be happy and do what i really like. I also want to feel confident and be clear of myself.
Now i allow myself to slip into amnesia and embrace a brand new start. I will try very hard to be who i am again, and be happy.
*georgiana* 
